. . . and he is gone . . .

Tuesday could have been quite possibly the hardest day of my life yet. I think the pain might go along with losing a parent or spouse. Half of my heart right now is New Jersey and will be going to Kentucky on Sunday. I didn't know what to expect Tuesday when I took Brad to the unit to get on the bus. I knew I would cry. I knew I would be upset. I didn't think that when I woke up I would start crying, but that's what happened. I cried on the way to the unit, leaving him on the bus. Then we waited for the buses to leave. One of the soldiers talked with the airport and got it so families could come and see their loved ones off. There was a big caravan from the unit to the airport. Motorcycles blocked off side streets so no other traffic could get by. We all had our flashers on. There was a point on the way, that we went over one of the 3 hills in billings and on the way down, the sun was coming up, and I saw the caravan of cars with flashers on and it was the coolest thing to witness. It gave me chills. When we got to the airport, we had about an hr and a half till they had to get on the plane. It was a whirlwind. One moment, Brad and I were standing and enjoying ourselves and we got a 2 minute warning when the soldiers had to be in formation to get on the plane. yes, we had an hr and a half to say good-bye, but imagine having to say good-bye to this person you love to the ends of the earth in two minutes. It was so hard. I don't remember the last time I cried that hard.

Afterwords, I had two of the other wives over for coffee and tissues. lol I got to know Ashley Wiser a little bit better. She is a newly-wed wife as well. Even more newly-wed than Brad and I. Ashley and her husband Zach got married in June. She is such a sweet person and I've enjoyed getting to know her! I am confident that my relationship with Brad got me ready for being married to him.
In the 5ish years that we were dating, he traveled quite a bit. He lived in Spokane, Kansas for a few months, was in Alaska for a summer, lived up north for a summer, lived down at his parents a few times. I have gotten used to having MY life, and my Megan and Brad life. He essentially got me ready for being an Army wife! Thanks Brad.
With that said, Ashley hasn't been through that, so I've been helping her out in any way I can. She came over for dinner and we had a great time chatting and getting to know each other a little bit better! It's nice to know someone who is going through a similar experience that you can talk to and vent to! Thank you Ashley.

As for Tuesday after the wives left, I didn't want to do much of anything. I felt like I was going to vomit all day, I was tired but didn't want to sleep. So my great friend Tracy came over after work and we went to dinner at a Mexican food place. For those of you who don't know . . . I LOVE MEXICAN FOOD! I could eat it all day, ever day. yum yum yum. I hadn't eaten anything else that day besides a hard boiled egg and some saltines. so it was much needed. It was so nice of Tracy to take care of me and make sure I was ok. She is a friend that I will be keeping around for a long long time to come.
I pleasantly surprised at the outpouring of people and their prayers for Brad and I to get through this. I know I am strong and confident and we WILL make it through this, it's just learning to adjust to life without him here. The house is quite. thank goodness I don't live in the house alone. It's comforting to hear Rachel and Juanica leave for school and work, Rachel coming home for lunch and when they come home at night. It gives me a sense of peace that I'm not alone.
School has been amazing for me. It's kept me busy and on my toes. It forces me to do something and get out of the house. I have given myself till Monday to be sad, eat whatever I want and do anything. Then Monday, I stop being sad ( although I WILL have my days of being sad ), start eating healthy and use my free membership at the YMCA! :) I have 6 months to get back into shape.

Many people have made sure I was ok, checked on me and told me that if I need them, to call them. well . . . I'll take every one of them up on their offer! :-)
My friend from church, Kyla, text me this afternoon saying that she got off work early and wanted to stop by and say hi. Turns out, she had bought me a dozen yellow roses. what a sweetheart! She made me cry. They are absolutely beautiful.
Nicole has also been amazing. We could talk for hours if we didn't have anything else to do. I love our relationship.

Life is hard because Brad is gone, but that doesn't mean that I need to be sad and mopey. Crying won't bring him back. Being sad wont bring him back sooner either. Giving myself things to do will bring him back sooner.

I will see Brad in 6ish months when we meet up for our 1 year anniversary in IRELAND! His 2 week leave is right around that time in march and it's less travel time for him to go there than come home. So why not take our honeymoon/1yr anniversary/2 week leave/bday bash in Ireland. I'll be pinching my pennies to make this work.

How exciting!