forgotten rank

More often then not, when you think about soldiers you generally think about just the one solider.The one who served their duty whether it be over seas or not. You don't often think about those they left at home and behind. The wives and children who have to continue with day to day life while their solider does his own thing.
I have found this the hardest so far in the deployment. I've been kind of sad lately actually. I'm not sure if it's because its the holiday time and I'm missing Brad. Maybe it's that I haven't been getting calls nearly as much. I can't put my finger on it.
Regardless, I am feeling more and more like the forgotten rank. Some people I've talked to had said that being an army wife is the toughest job IN the army. I would have to agree with that. Although I don't really know whats going on where Brad is and what his day to day schedule is like, I can only imagine. I know he doesn't enjoy everyone he works with, but beggars can't be choosers. He doesn't have near the amount of responsibility as we do at home. He assumes that I will take care of everything as best I can. But what about the things that only he knows more about. I can't take care of things when I can't talk to him and get more details. This has become a huge obstacle for us to jump over. Where is the happy medium of phone calls and emails? What would you rather get? If your husband was gone for a long amount of time, regardless of where he is, would you rather get an email every day or a phone call once a week? Ponder that. Emails are nice, but hearing your loved one's voice is another. It's also nice though to know whats going on so you feel like you are a part of their life still.
I've noticed that I have done a lot for Brad in the past few weeks. I send him a care package at least once every two weeks. I make sure he is taken care of with requests. He had requested hand warmers, so those go in every care package. I made him a photo book on shutterfly of he and I. I send him pictures and drink mix, Halloween candy, Christmas candy . . . the whole 9 yards. This might sound selfish, but where is my care package? Who is making sure that I am taken care of? Its easy to take care of him and make sure that he is happy over there, but I need a little bit more attention from him.
I did however get my own little care package from my wonderful sister-in-law Christine. That was pretty special. She made a little photo book of our Yellowstone trip. Pretty cool.

Army women are a special breed of women. You can't be a wimp if you are involved with an army man. any service man . . .its hard. You have to be ok with being alone sometimes. I am done being alone. I am counting down the days that I get to sleep next to my husband again. When we get to drive somewhere together. Its the small things that I didn't take advantage of before that I'm missing now. I would do close to anything right now just for a hug and a kiss from Brad. It's been too long.
So those of you who have your spouse with you right now, give them an extra big hug and kiss because they are there and you can.

The positive side to all of this is that I get to travel back to Seattle for a few weeks for the holidays. So I won't be so alone. My 'little sister' comes back from Italy a few days after I arrive home as well. That will be amazing to see her and hug her. The last time I saw her was in June and we didn't leave on the best terms.
It will be wonderful to see all of my friends. I'm looking forward to seeing Ms.Jamie Farris. I've known her since the 5th grade. She's a pretty fabulous lady. I get to spend quality time with my extended family, the Irelands, for little Jadon's 1st birthday. Jadon and my own brother share the same birthday, although Alan has a good 29 years on Jadon. I get to spend time with my sister soul mate Nicole Salmond and her little pride and joy Malachi. I plan on being so busy while back in Seattle that I don't think about Brad often. But it's hard. Maybe that's another reason why we moved here for the deployment and didn't stay home. Too many memories.

We'll see how the next few days go. Hopefully something changes for the good and things start to pick up. I am just about done with being a debbie downer.